Tidings…

The past several months have presented themselves with their ups and downs. I wish I could write everything I go through in a day but too much happens for me to describe it all. What I write here isn’t doing justice to my experience but it’s a glimpse into my life and thoughts…

• Since I last wrote, Lisa and Lakshmi left Bagar to return to the States to pursue grad school. Lisa was a four month intern whose company, intelligence, and attitude I came to really enjoy. She was working to reduce anemia among women here. Lakshmi was our team manager and is someone I truly respect; she is easily one of the most passionate people I know. They’re both greatly missed! Since then we’ve had several interns come and go to work on different issues. We also have a new, year-long fellow, Naman, who will be focusing on health, creating a business plan to start an English institute, and taking over an existing waste disposal project we were all working on together.
• So for those of you who don’t know, my project ended and I’m starting something new. Since March the 11 women in the women’s group aka the Ashok Nagar Mahila Mandal, were vermicomposting (creating organic fertilizer) which involved each of them maintaining their compost beds (comprised of cow dung and worms) for about 30 minutes a day, attending weekly meetings (where the business’ progress would be discussed, positive group dynamics would be instilled through team-building games/activities, or awareness building of relevant issues would be the focus). Midway through the project two women got into an argument over how much cow dung each were contributing to the business (for about a month, each had to fill a large metal bowl with cow dung and drop it off at the composting shed in order for the operation to function). My varied efforts to get the women to come to an agreement were pretty futile…that first rift led to hostility, more fighting over successive issues, and larger inter-group politics and conflict. I guess that, combined with me being a rookie at managing people, led to the group’s demise. At some point I had to come to terms with the fact that the women didn’t work constructively together. The upside is that they did finish one batch of compost and each made about Rs. 1800 which they’ve used to pay off debt, pay their children’s school fees, etc. Also, although the collective business is no longer in place, nine of the 11 of them are composting individually which is the least I could have hoped for. And four of them who exceeded my expectations throughout the process are still interested in partaking in some sort of livelihood activity together so I’m trying to figure out another means by which they can earn money.
• This year the Piramal Foundation (the organization that’s funding our projects) has asked that we “think big” and scale up what we’re doing in each sector. So with that in mind I’ve decided to start a vocational center in Bagar. I know, it’s quite different from what I did this past year. This new idea has actually been termed “deliciously insane” by a friend and I think that’s my most favorite and the most accurate way to describe it. It’s a huge and daunting venture but I’m ready and excited to take it on! Right now I’m in the very initial stages of this project which involves working out an implementation plan. Once I refine it, I’ll be looking to hire people to come teach, supervise, find jobs for the center’s graduates, etc. So I’ve found a couple of industries (retail, hospitality, and a few others) that seem to be pretty in-demand right now and will need to narrow down the number of sectors because I plan to offer two courses per three to six month session.. This, of course, means that people would leave Bagar to work in bigger cities. I have an issue with this but after a lot of contemplation the way I look at it is: I think it’s the quickest way for people to find gainful employment, if there are entry level jobs to be filled than why not?, and facilitating entrepreneurial ventures is valuable but not 100% successful so this seems like the most practical solution at present. Since this year is going to be very results-driven, we’re cutting out one of the ways that helped us immerse into the community: doing our own laundry. I’m not going to lie, doing my laundry for a year has been a pain so I’m semi-excited about this new switch but I’m also fearful of the way the community will view us because of it.
• Most Indicorps fellows were only in India for a year and thus, when mid-July came, it was time for the closeout session of the fellowship year. Because Ashish, Preeti, and I are part of the ’06-’07 fellowship class, we attended as well. Talking to the other fellows and sitting in Indicorps-led sessions that made me think more deeply about my year was really good for me in that it all helped me process a lot of what I’ve been through. My project ended immediately prior to my departure for workshop and I was really down about it. It felt really defeating to have worked so hard for something only to have it end. But having thought a lot about it, I realize a lot of where I went wrong and have learned a ton about myself, how the community operates, and about development. This time around, I’ve resolved to approach this project in a smarter way: I will work relentlessly to make this center be the best of its kind but I will also strive towards living a more balanced life where I get time for myself (to exercise, read, watch a movie, or just whatever makes me smile) and for my community (share holidays/free time with them as well as lend them a listening ear). I didn’t do that enough this past year and I think being content with my personal growth is crucial to be being able to help others.
• I was also afforded the pleasure of going home for two weeks this month. I didn’t tell the community I went to the U.S. because I don’t want to highlight the financial and cultural divide that exists between us. Being at home was great because it gave me a lot of “me” time and I think I am coming back with a lot of great new energy and a sense of calm that I didn’t have before (maybe it’s all due to getting my fill of chocolate chip cookies). :) On another note, surprisingly it wasn’t hard for me to be back in the U.S. I had no problem wearing western clothing, it was an incredible feeling to drive, I enjoyed Southern California’s lovely summer evenings, and I even found myself entertained by two consecutive episodes of “The Hills”! One thing that did bother me though was how wasteful we are: prior to my arrival I was so pumped by the thought of air conditioning and as refreshing as it was, it was used in excess, in my opinion. I also found myself converting several purchases to rupees and feeling this incredible guilt that one lunch exceeded some indviduals’ monthly salaries in Bagar. I know I can’t live that way but it’s hard to reconcile how good we have it when so many others struggle to make it.
• Okay random I know but since being here I’ve found that the community uses haldi (turmeric) and the neem plant for a lot of medicinal purposes (from clearing up sinuses and caring for infected nose piercings to repelling pests). Seriously, this stuff is amazing. Apparently so amazing though that in the late 90s big businesses tried to patent some of these natural healers. While developing countries wouldn’t have been able to fight off corporate interests, India being the mid-income country that it is, was able to get the legal backing it needed to protect its traditional medicines from being passed off as someone else’s.
• So I guess some of you still think I live in a hamlet. Actually Bagar isn’t a village but a town; also the connectivity here is great, people aren’t begging for food, and there are 30 some odd schools so most people will have done some schooling (with the exception of a lot of women). Sometimes I wonder how I would fare in an area that’s economically weaker than this and more remote. Maybe I’ll try that after this experience…? (Sorry to my family for freaking them out!) Some of you also are under the impression that I’m living really modestly. Well, compared to my life in the States – yes. But relative to the other fellows in my program, we live royally: we have access to running water, our own toilets, a place that’s only occupied by us NRI’s allowing us to revert to our Americanness at night (which isn’t always a good thing), and our food is made for us (will Radhika ever learn to cook??).
• Speaking of cook, the other day one of them, Girdhari Ji, said to me, “I still don’t understand what you guys do here. You always say you do seva (service) here but you haven’t done any seva for me.” We’re used to people’s general bluntness by now so I wasn’t taken aback; rather, I feel obligated to try and reach more people than we currently are. “Teach my daughter computers,” Girdhari Ji went on to say. Everyone knows Ashish taught a computer class and computers is one area that everyone here feels is valuable. “Well Ashish would be able to best teach computers and I don’t know if he has time to teach outside of his project,” I said both disgruntled and disappointed that we probably weren’t going to be able to fulfill his request. “Okay well at least teach her English then.” Man, if I could get $5 for every time someone has asked me to teach them English, I could retire now! Anyways there are a number of English medium schools here but kids learn grammar and writing instead of speaking. Hence, speaking ability is generally really poor. Even those with Masters degrees in English literature have very little command over the language. It’s a hard knowing that we’ll leave here in a year without having done anything for a lot of the population.
• Moving onto another who works at the guesthouse: the caretaker. I’m not afraid to say it – he’s lazy. We really have to push to get him to get things done and when things do get completed, a bad taste is left in our mouths for having had to exert pressure on him. It’s super hard for me especially because his wife was in the group of women that I organized into the collective. I’m very close to her so at times when I feel like losing my temper with him, I have to think about how I want to preserve my friendship with his wife and how he represents my community. Personal and business relationships just really suck. It’s so hard to be both professional and amiable when you’re kind of disgusted by a person’s work ethic. I guess it’s circumstances like these that really help me deal with all sorts of people, push my own limits, build and develop my patience and self control, and at times cause me to lose my sanity (thank God for journaling though…my form of therapy!).
• Because I have such little free time now, I really value the time I spend reading. My latest reads have been The Inheritance of Loss, Freakanomics, and One Night @ the Call Center. My favorite was The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai, a fiction novel that goes into the effects of colonialism and immigration on people of different segments of Indian society. Anyone interested in doing an overseas book club via email?? If so, leave a comment on this page.
• This past year doing the vermicomposting project, my days were defined by the large amount of time I spent in the field. This year will be really different in that I’m doing a lot of internet research, making a ton of phone calls, and will probably be spending a good chunk of time in Delhi and Jaipur meeting with other training institutes and companies willing to hire the graduates churned out of my vocational center. I’m glad I’m getting exposure to very different types of development work and I think both projects will allow me to grow in very meaningful ways. However, in my anticipation that I will be away from the field more this year, I still want to maintain a strong sense of community. Let’s hope I do that by making time to get out in the community a decent amount.
• Last, we have moved from living in the guesthouse to the girls’ hostel which is also on the school campus, about fifty feet away from the guesthouse. Our computer lab will still be in the guesthouse but I’m sad to move (because we spent a year there and because the toilets are better!).

I’m going to try and do these updates more regularly so sit tight!